Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves Read online

  Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

  Alyssa Rose Ivy

  Contents

  1. Brooke

  2. Logan

  3. Brooke

  4. Logan

  5. Brooke

  6. Logan

  7. Brooke

  8. Logan

  9. Brooke

  10. Logan

  11. Brooke

  12. Logan

  13. Brooke

  14. Logan

  15. Brooke

  16. Logan

  17. Brooke

  18. Logan

  Thank You

  Afterward

  Life After Falling

  Chapter One

  Copyright © 2019 by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Cover Design: Najla Qambar Designs

  Created with Vellum

  To anyone who has been tossed aside: you know how strong you are.

  One

  Brooke

  “Are you sure?” I looked around the small office to see what I was missing. “That’s all you need?”

  “I count two-hundred-and fifty in cash. What else would I be needing?” The man peered at me over his reading glasses.

  “A copy of my driver’s license. A contract. Something.” Surely my new landlord wasn’t that trusting. Or that stupid, depending on how you wanted to look at it.

  Frank—for he had already told me in not so choice words not to use the title of Mr., set his glasses down on the counter beside him. “Were you planning on driving the cabin somewhere?”

  “No. Of course not. I mean don’t you need to run a background check or something?” I knew Forest Lake was in the boonies, but even the boonies had regulations, right?

  He leaned forward on his elbows. “Is there anything that would turn up if I ran one?”

  “No. Nothing.” Thankfully I’d reined in my anger in the recent months as to avoid an arrest record.

  “Then explain to me why I should be wasting my time and money on a background check?”

  “Never mind.” When in Rome... “I’ll take the keys.”

  “The keys?” He wore a blank expression.

  “Are you going to tell me there are no keys?” Maybe this was why you didn’t pick out rental properties sight-unseen online.

  He belted out laughing. “Of course there are keys. Don’t be silly. You should have seen your face.” He held out a set of silver-colored keys. Each had a faded red sticker on them labeling them as the front or back door.

  “Very funny. Thank you for your time.” I forced a terse smile and headed toward the door.

  “Brooke?” He called.

  I turned back. “Yes?”

  “Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll die younger.”

  “Thanks for the advice.” I gave a small wave before slipping out through the doorway before he could add more sage advice.

  The late summer sun beat down on me as soon as I stepped out from under the office canopy overhang. It was after five, but sundown was hours away.

  I unlocked my nearing ten-year-old Civic, trying not to think about the back seat. Or the day I had to have it detailed. Or anything about it really.

  Frank had assured me that the cabin would be easy to find. Just follow the road, he’d told me. I did just that, and less than a mile down the road it stopped being much of a road at all. It was dirt. Not the smooth dirt of a well-trodden road—bumpy dirt—the kind that makes you wish you were in a 4-wheel-drive vehicle instead of a quasi-compact car.

  I gripped the wheel so tight my knuckles turned white, until the lake came into view. The water shimmered in the sun, beckoning to me in a way that nothing ever did anymore. Frank had been right about how easy it would be to find the place. I followed the lake around until I saw a row of white cabins. I counted five then pulled up the small drive by the sixth. The black number had half fallen off the post, making it look like a nine rather than a six. Maybe I should have been put off by it, to have assumed the cabin would be in disrepair or that it would be a bad omen. But I felt the opposite. This place was as far from my life as possible. And in that way it was absolutely perfect.

  I got out of the car and headed up to what would be my home for the next six months.

  “Oh. Hello.” I eyed a little dog sitting on the porch. “You belong to the neighbors or something?”

  I don’t know why I was talking to the dog, it’s not like he or she could answer me or anything, but I was.

  The dog looked up at me through these huge brown eyes. Her brown eyes were honest. Unlike another set of eyes I wanted to forget.

  “You aren’t wearing a collar.” For some unknown reason I continued speaking out loud. “But you don’t look like a stray. It looked like you just had a bath.”

  “She did just have a bath.”

  I spun around and came face to face with a young girl with long red hair and cheeks nearly as red, either from the sun or exertion. Unlike the dog, she didn’t look like she’d taken a bath—she looked like she’d been rolling in mud. She was wearing what was once a white t-shirt and pink shorts. I felt bad for whoever was going to be doing her laundry.

  “Oh, is this your dog?” I asked.

  “No.” She shook her head. “She’s yours. The last renter left her for you.”

  “Uh what?” I searched the little girls face for a hint of humor. When I didn’t see it I next looked for confusion. That seemed to be absent as well.

  “Frank said you were going to be here all alone, and the Allen’s found this little dog at the pound and thought you could use her for protection.”

  “For protection?” I looked at the little brown fur ball that was maybe fifteen pounds.

  “It’s the bark that keeps them away.” The little girl sat down on the steps and the little dog ran right over.

  “Should I worry about keeping people away here?” I looked out at the lake and then back at the row of cabins.

  “No.” She pet the dog with slow, careful motions.

  Then why the dog? I kept the question a silent one.

  “So I better go.” The girl patted the dog’s head and rose to standing.

  “Are your parents around?” The sun was still out, but I still didn’t feel good about letting a little girl run around alone.

  “No, but my brother is.”

  “Oh. But he’s going to give you a ride home then?” Maybe it was the city girl in me, but I would worry until I knew she was with proper supervision.

  “No. I’m staying with him this week.”

  “Oh. He lives around here?” Getting clear answers from this girl was a lot like pulling teeth. But that was fine. I had time. I had all the time in the world. Six months to be exact.

  “In number seven.” She pointed to the cabin next to us.

  “Oh. My neighbor.”

  She giggled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Just anyone calling my brother their neighbor.”

  “He’s not very neighborly?” Had I ended up renting a place next to a grump? Or maybe he had loud parties. One never knew.

  “He can be. Depends on his mood.”

  “Ok. Well I guess for the time being I’m your neighbor too. I’m Brooke.”

  “Like the babbling kind?”

  “Uh, spelled different, but sounds the same.”

  “I’m Jaylin.” She held out her hand.


  I accepted her surprisingly strong handshake. “Nice to meet you, Jaylin.”

  “You too.” She grinned before running down the drive and back onto the dirt road.

  The little dog let out a low bark.

  “Oh. Yeah. You. Hopefully the last renters left you some food.”

  Two

  Logan

  Jaylin was late again. She was always late when she stayed with me, even when I begged her not to. My mom was already worried about her, did she have to do the same to me? Yes. Of course she did. But I couldn’t really blame her. I’d been the same way when I was kid.

  Just as I was about to head out to look for her, she burst inside through the screen door, letting it slam behind her. “Hey, Logan, have you met the new neighbor?”

  “New neighbor? Is that what you were doing? Talking to a stranger?” Not that it surprised me. Jaylin would talk to anyone.

  “She’s not a stranger.” Jaylin straightened up, as if trying to look taller. “She’s Brooke.”

  “Brooke? Well Brooke is a stranger. A weird stranger based on the facts we know.”

  “The facts we know?” Jaylin slipped out of her filthy rain boots.

  “She is renting a cabin alone in the middle of nowhere in the off-season.” I assumed the woman had a perfectly good reason for that, but that didn’t change my protectiveness over my sister.

  “And?” Jaylin tapped her foot.

  “And only weird people would do that.” Not entirely true, but I was trying to make a point.

  Jaylin put a hand on her hip. “Weird people like you?”

  “I am here because it’s my job.”

  “It’s your job because you want to be here. Alone.” She emphasized the word alone more than she needed to.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be ten?” I stirred the sauce. I’d finally finished cleaning up the caked on burnt mess off the burner from the last time I’d made this meal. Cooking was something I could do, but not when I got distracted.

  “I am ten. Ten-year-olds know enough to understand these things.” She put a hand on her hip.

  “And you’ve been listening to mom.” It wasn’t a question.

  “That too.” She grabbed a piece of spaghetti from the pot.

  “I’m fine. No matter what mom says.”

  “Yup. And I’m going to bed early tonight.” She rolled her eyes.

  “Go wash your hands.”

  “Why? It’s just dirt. It’s natural. It’s good for me to be exposed to it.”

  “Do you want dinner?” I turned off the sauce.

  “Fine.” She walked over to the sink. “But if I get sick because you’ve insisted on killing off the good bacteria, I’m blaming you.”

  “Duly noted.” I smiled. My kid sister was a handful sometimes, but she was also one of the few bright lights in my life.

  While she washed her hands, I pulled out our plates.

  “Want me to run over and invite Brooke to join us?”

  “Why would you do that?” I took the lid off the sauce pot.

  “Because she’s new. And like you said, she’s alone. Plus, she may not have anything to eat.”

  “I’m sure she can find something to eat.” I wasn’t trying to sound callous, but I also didn’t want to bug someone who probably wanted to be left alone.

  “Did I mention she’s really pretty?” Jaylin tried to wink, but ended up blinking both eyes. “Like really, really pretty.”

  “What do her looks have to do with anything?”

  “Wouldn’t Mom tell you to invite her over? Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do?”

  “Jaylin…” I trailed off.

  “You know I’m right.” She knew what would happen when she brought our mother into this.

  “Being right isn’t always a good thing.”

  “It is today. I’ll go get her. You make her a plate.”

  “She might not even want to come. Don’t be weird, Jaylin. If she doesn’t want to come, let it go.”

  “She’ll want to come.” Jaylin ran out and let the screen door slam behind her before I could say anything else.

  I pulled down another plate. Jaylin was right. No one ever said no to her.

  Five minutes later the screen door opened again, and Jaylin wasn’t alone.

  My heart skipped a beat. Jaylin wasn’t kidding about this girl being pretty. She was gorgeous. Beautiful in a girl-next door meets the sexy librarian sort of way.

  “Hi, I’m Brooke.” The brunette gave a small wave while I stood there like an idiot

  “Hey. I’m Logan.” Come on in.

  “Thanks.” She stepped inside and carefully let the door close behind her. “Is it really okay that I join you for dinner? Jaylin was pretty insistent that you wouldn’t mind.”

  “Of course. Always nice to have company.” Could I sound lamer? Probably.

  “I’ll return the favor one day. Once I’ve made it out to the grocery store. There is a grocery store, right? In town?”

  “More like a market, but it should keep you covered.”

  “Great.”

  “Come sit.” I pulled out a seat at the table.

  “Thanks.” She sat down. “I really appreciate the invitation. It was so thoughtful of you.”

  “Yes.” Jaylin sat down next to her. “He was so thoughtful and insistent that I invite you once I told him that you moved in.”

  I couldn’t risk glaring at Jaylin without Brooke seeing, so I didn’t. But I was going to have a few words with her after Brooke left.

  Brooke folded her hands on the table in front of her. “So. Have you lived here long?”

  “Here as in Forest Lake, or here as in this cabin specifically?”

  She shrugged ever so slightly. “Both.”

  “Born and raised in Forest Lake. This place about a year.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “The cabin?” I set the three plates out on the table.

  “The lake.” She put a napkin on her lap.

  “It is. Wait until later in the fall when the leaves turn.” Fall was the most beautiful time at the lake, yet half of the cabins sat empty. The on-season had now been reduced to just the few summer months.

  “I’m sure.” She looked away out the window.

  “You not a fan of fall?”

  “I am. Sorry.” She took a bite of the pasta. “This is delicious. Thank you.”

  “It’s just meat sauce.” I took a bite myself to see if it tasted any different than the last fifty times I’d made it. Not at all.

  “Well, it’s the best home cooked meal anyone’s made me in a while.”

  Was that her way of letting me know that she was single?

  I pushed away the thought. I wasn’t going there. Not now. Maybe not ever. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

  “Where are you from?” Jaylin took a far too big bite of spaghetti and sauce. “We haven’t asked you anything about you.”

  “Atlanta originally, but before this I was in Philadelphia.”

  City girl. I wasn’t all that surprised, although I was curious how she ended up here so far from either of those places.

  “Then how did you end up here?” Jaylin was thinking the same thing I was, but she wasn’t afraid to ask. Unfortunately.

  I frowned at Jaylin. There was outgoing and then there was rude. I turned to Brooke. “You don’t have to answer that.”

  “No, it’s okay.” She twirled some spaghetti around her fork. “I needed a change.”

  “Quite a change.” I tried not to make too direct of eye contact even though it was impossible to keep my eyes off of her.

  “Uh yeah.” She set her fork down and took a long sip of water.

  “Why Forest Lake?”

  “Showed up when I searched online.” She set her cup down. It was an old one I’d taken from my parents’ house, bright red plastic.

  “What did you search?”

  “Secluded cabin. Cheap.”

  I laughed. “Yup, no surprise
we came up.”

  “Not sure if Frank’s marketing department figured out the algorithm or its luck.”

  “Marketing department?” I felt my eyebrow shoot up. “Right.”

  “Oh, I just mean...” She trailed off and looked away.

  Great. I’d embarrassed her. “I get it. No need to explain.”

  “I’m in marketing.” She picked up her fork and moved some of her remaining pasta around her plate “Or I was.”

  “Was?” Jaylin polished off the last of her food. “Does that mean not anymore?”

  “I’m in between jobs at the moment.” Brooke set down her fork. Her expression changed. It was tighter. Stressed. “Thank you so much for dinner. But I should go.”

  “No room for dessert?” Had Jaylin pushed her too far? Was her job the problem? Was she embarrassed to be out of work? If so, she really didn’t need to be.

  “Uh, not tonight. But thanks.” She stood

  “Want me to walk you home?” I offered lamely. She looked so frazzled, I hated to just let her run out like that.

  “It’s just next door.”

  “I don’t mind.” I was worried, and I was determined to find out what upset her. Not to mention, I wasn’t ready to lose her company yet.

  “I’ll be fine. But thanks.” She hurried outside and carefully closed the door behind her.

  “She’s sad. Isn’t she?” Jaylin got up and helped herself to a small portion of seconds.

  “I think so.” There was no window that directly faced Brooke’s cabin. I’d have had to go outside onto either the front or back porch if I wanted to see if she’d gone inside. I didn’t want to look like a stalker, so I didn’t move.

  “Sad like you.” Jaylin cleared her plate and set it by the sink.

  “I’m not sad.”